Category: Life Coaching

There exists few words in the vocabulary of any language more powerful than NO. NO sets boundaries, defines responsibilities, expectations and often relationships. From the time we are toddlers, NO guides us to what we can touch and eat, acceptable behavior, and roles within a family. We learn not to pull on the cat’s tail, (although the cat may teach us that lesson!) and with the word NO, we exert our defiance and self-will.

“No, I can do it myself!”

Why is the word NO so important in our adult lives? Well, the word continues to set boundaries. If you want to simplify life, try using the word NO. Here are some examples.

Say NO to more work and YES to more time with others

Whenever you say YES to the extra project, new order, or added responsibility, you are saying NO to something else, usually time spent with family or friends. We often say YES to avoid disappointment or disapproval of another. In work and business, you need to carefully weigh when to say NO, but all too often, work life creates NO life. We are actually more productive, more creative, happier and healthier, when we place boundaries on time for ourselves and others. In other words, we learn to say NO. I have never attended a funeral where the kids complained dad spent too much time with them, and not enough time at work!

Say NO to more hours of volunteerism

Now, some of you might find this an extremely rewarding outlet for very noble causes. And, some of you should actually consider donating your time and expertise. When I say exercise the word NO more often, I am speaking to the person who suddenly finds himself or herself with a new part-time job with a non-profit. Without a boundary, there is NO end in sight in assisting with the mission of a non-profit. I recently volunteered for the Alzheimer’s Association. The needs are enormous. I told them about my strengths and background, along with how much time I could donate, then let them decide how best to use me. The key? The boundary around time. I will say NO to any other requests until there is more time in my schedule from other areas.

Want to take some stress out of your life? Look over your calendar and commitments and say NO to at least 5-10 hours weekly of unnecessary commitments. However, instead of thinking you have that much time to trim, think about what is really productive in your life. Most people can prune 5-10 hours, become more productive, and experience less stress. I have a friend who recently purchased a vineyard. He was surprised that as much as 40% of the vine is pruned annually. Wow! That seems counter intuitive. Why prune 40% of possible production? So you gain more production and quality. You may be surprised how this principle can change your life. The power of NO. Try it on this week.

 What did you say?  I should want conflict, welcome conflict, even seek it out?  Exactly!  Why do you want conflict?  Here are six good reasons:

1. You want people willing to disagree with you.  You are not as good, perfect, intelligent, and amazing as you think.  I am part of a small group of business men who meet every Friday morning for study and accountability.  We ask each other, “How smart are you this week?”  Sometimes we feel amazingly smart.  Other times we feel entirely defeated and brought back to earth.  Everyone needs someone who is not impressed with you.  Get over yourself and learn.

2. You want your employees and executives to give honest feedback.  I work with companies to create open feedback loops.  When the corporate culture invites and welcomes feedback, everyone wins (and improves).  Some feedback is trivial, some vital, and some stinging.  Get over your defensiveness and learn.

3. You want people to sharpen you.  Iron sharpens iron.  I do not know of any kind or gentle way to sharpen an instrument.  A grinder sits on my bench in the garage.  Sparks will fly when I sharpen a tool or knife, and sparks will fly in conflict when we are sharpened.

Don’t avoid it.

Don’t stop it.

Don’t become angry.

There is a grain of salt even within the words of our crazy and insane critics.  Get over it and learn

4. You need a coach.  Coaches use many different methods to help you learn.  A good coach knows how to coach you.  Invite the coaching even if you have to hire and pay for it.  If professional athletes need coaches at elite levels, what makes you think you don’t need one?  Coaches will disagree with you, challenge you, probably yell at you.  Get over it and learn.

5. Good meetings have drama.  Drama means conflict.  Most people think a good meeting is one without drama.  Those are boring and often unproductive meetings.  Think about it, what makes a movie good?  Drama.  And with the RIGHT kind of drama, the RIGHT kind of conflict, it will drive you and your company to push through complacency and safety.  Good meetings are filled with people who honestly examine ideas, processes and decisions.  Don’t play it safe.  Invite the conflict.  Get over the drama and learn from the conflict.

6. Conflict brings change.  You change.  Your marriage changes.  Your business changes.  With the right conflict, this change is always for the good.  You don’t know what you need to change unless someone has the courage to tell you.  Your marriage will not change until you understand how YOU need to change, not your spouse.  You are not going to change him or her.  You can only change you.  Your business will change when you listen to feedback from your customers. At Nordstroms, they excel in customer service. Because they develop a culture of listening and accommodating the customer,  they reap incredible loyalty.   Conflict brought prosperity.  Listen to your critics.  Turn them into coaches.  Change.

Do you want happiness, prosperity and fullness?  Then, invite the conflict.  Welcome the drama.  You will learn, you will change, and you will win.

Many people struggle to get things done.  They look around and see half completed projects, papers stacked on their desks, the email inbox overflowing, and voicemails waiting to answer.  Ever feel like you are drowning and someone is pouring on more water rather than throwing you a life preserver?  Here are three quick steps to get you going and getting more things done.

What Gets Pictured, Gets Done.  I have a dream board in my office in my sight line.  I see it every day.  Pictures on my dream board depict my dreams and goals.  My wife and I wish to spend about 3 months annually in Hawaii in semi-retirement.  I picture the place and daily pace.  I experimented with lifestyle while on our last trip.  We went to the beach in the morning.  I snorkeled, enjoyed the sun, yet had time to read and think.  Thinktime for me is very important (and it should be important for you, too).  In the afternoon, while my wife enjoyed the pool, I stayed in the cabana nearby and returned calls, completed client paperwork, and other tasks.  The evening was free for dinners or sunset walks on the beach.  This is my picture of retirement.  If the most challenging thing in the day was playing golf, I would go crazy. I have other dreams, with other pictures, that remind me daily of WHY I am working today.  What I picture, gets done.

What Gets Planned, Gets Done.  You know this part.  You have attended time management courses.  You know the tips and tricks.  The problem?  You have a daily task list, but the task list is not intentionally connected to your strategic plan for the year, month or week.  Now, some people do not have any plan, and that certainly is a problem.  A plan provides the path.  Without the path, who knows where you end up, right?  I work with many people who have the plan, create the path, but do not execute.  The reason?  They do not have a weekly plan that is connected to the path.  They feel good about checking off the daily tasks.  Unfortunately, too many daily tasks are not directly related to the strategic plan. They live in the tyranny of the urgent.  Only 7% of the population creates a weekly plan and follows through.  If this is the only point you remember, this will change what you get done.  Before the work week begins, plan your week, then work your plan.  Amazing things get done.

What Gets Measured, Gets Done.  Ouch.  Now I am getting personal.  I know few people who truly enjoy evaluation.  Let’s face it, when something is on the line, we perform.  Creating deadlines and scoreboards keep personnel, and you, on track.  The key to measurement is making sure the measurements matter.  People hate busy work and filling out forms nobody reviews.  However, most employees actually want feedback.  They want to know how to improve.  They want to hear affirmation for jobs well done.  If you want to get things done, measure what should get done.  I have developed a very simple form of score boarding that can assist an entire organization to step it up.  Simple, yet powerful, this tool keeps people accountable, focused and goal-oriented.

I have taught productivity for over 25 years.  If you want to learn how to get things done, live a balanced and productive life, then check out my “Getting it Right: Work/Life Balance” one day workshop.

Many people view decision making as an event – a choice that takes place at a single point in time, whether they are sitting at a desk, motivating the children or leading a business meeting.

The fact is, decision making is not a point in time but a process that takes place over weeks, months or even years.  Good decision makers understand that this is a process and treat it as such.

In his book Predictably Irrational, researcher Dan Ariely claims that most of us are masters at deceiving ourselves and justifying our actions. In particular, we often make our decisions based not on what’s right, but on what we want.

Ariely tells his own story of buying a car. “When I turned thirty,” he writes, “I decided it was time to trade in my motorcycle for a car, but I could not decide which car was right for me. The web was just taking off, and to my delight I found a site that provided advice on purchasing cars.” Professor Ariely describes how he answered all of the questions on the website, which then recommended that he purchase a Ford Taurus.

He describes his reaction this way:

The problem was that, having just surrendered my motorcycle, I couldn’t see myself driving a sedate sedan. I was now facing a dilemma: I had tried a deliberative and thoughtful process for my car selection, and I didn’t like the answer I got. So, I did what I think anyone in my position would do. I hit the BACK button a few times, backtracked to earlier stages of the interview process, and changed many of my original answers to what I convinced myself were more accurate and appropriate responses .… I kept this up until the car-advertising website suggested a Mazda Miata. The moment the program was kind enough to recommend a small convertible, I felt grateful for the fantastic software and decided to follow its advice.

Commenting on what he learned in the process, Professor Ariely says, “The experience taught me that sometimes we want our decisions to have a rational veneer when, in fact, they stem from … what we crave deep down.”

In mediation, I guide people to pay attention to that deep “craving” and not try and make it go away. I encourage them to bring that craving into our process and see if it gets them what they actually wanted in the end.

Decision making is a process that takes time, input, challenge and clear thinking.

May you process well as you make your decisions.

Many people make resolutions for the New Year. In fact, 45% of the population does.  What do people resolve to do as their number one goal?  Losing weight. Of course, others include getting organized, saving money, exercising, quit smoking, and spending more time with the family.

However, within one week, 25% fall off from the goal.  In another month, 46% will throw in the towel, and by six months, 54% have given up.  The good news?  Flip the number and 46% of those who made a resolution were still going after six months.

Want to know the difference between success and failure? If you made a resolution, this is how you can make it stick.

1. Accountability. Tell others your goal and ask them to help you. I should preface by saying your marriage partner or significant other should NOT be an accountability partner (VERY BAD IDEA). Enlist some friends or co-workers to check in on your progress. With social media, some programs allow you to report progress or even compete against each other. You can find an app for that, like MyFitnessPal or Fitbit.

2. Planning. What gets planned gets done. If you do not incorporate your resolution into a weekly schedule, the chances of success plummet. Many people are successful in planning out a day, but only a small percentage of the population actually plan an entire week. The real secret of success in productivity is planning and executing weekly goals and tasks.

3. Picture your goal. What gets pictured gets done. Create a dream board; or at least keep a picture of your goal in front of you on a daily basis. There are few forces on the face of the earth more powerful than a visualized dream.

4. Speak your goal. What gets spoken gets done. I know it sounds funny, but there is tremendous power in the spoken word. Studies continually reinforce the importance of positive and confident speech. I say affirmations everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I would rather be successful than worry about feeling foolish.

5. Know yourself and be realistic. If your resolution is to lose weight, then make a sensible schedule of exercise and nutrition. Don’t force yourself to eat food you do not like and will not continue eating. Find alternatives that you enjoy, even if the food is not “perfect.” You don’t have to set up a daily exercise program. Do what you can sustain. There is great value in exercising three days a week. Regardless of your goal, steady progress beats no progress.

6. The slight edge. Jeff Olson promotes a simple concept of making right choices in the slightest of moments. Our lives are nothing more than moments strung together that create habits and results. Change the choices in the moments that create sustainable habits for a lifetime. An airliner makes a thousand slight changes throughout a flight in order to arrive at a destination. Without the slight adjustments, a very different destination would be the result. We all make hundreds of micro decisions daily. The compilation of the decisions will decide where we end up. Make your decisions align with your goals and that will equal success.

7. Do the worst, first. Your resolution may include something difficult, something you do NOT want to do. Anything worthwhile in life has some hard work, discomfort, or down right nastiness to it. Do it first. Get it out of the way. Don’t leave it, procrastinate around it, or avoid it. JUST DO IT (I think someone thought of that motto)!

I hope these seven tips will help you sustain your new resolutions.