Many people view decision making as an event – a choice that takes place at a single point in time, whether they are sitting at a desk, motivating the children or leading a business meeting.
The fact is, decision making is not a point in time but a process that takes place over weeks, months or even years. Good decision makers understand that this is a process and treat it as such.
In his book Predictably Irrational, researcher Dan Ariely claims that most of us are masters at deceiving ourselves and justifying our actions. In particular, we often make our decisions based not on what’s right, but on what we want.
Ariely tells his own story of buying a car. “When I turned thirty,” he writes, “I decided it was time to trade in my motorcycle for a car, but I could not decide which car was right for me. The web was just taking off, and to my delight I found a site that provided advice on purchasing cars.” Professor Ariely describes how he answered all of the questions on the website, which then recommended that he purchase a Ford Taurus.
He describes his reaction this way:
The problem was that, having just surrendered my motorcycle, I couldn’t see myself driving a sedate sedan. I was now facing a dilemma: I had tried a deliberative and thoughtful process for my car selection, and I didn’t like the answer I got. So, I did what I think anyone in my position would do. I hit the BACK button a few times, backtracked to earlier stages of the interview process, and changed many of my original answers to what I convinced myself were more accurate and appropriate responses .… I kept this up until the car-advertising website suggested a Mazda Miata. The moment the program was kind enough to recommend a small convertible, I felt grateful for the fantastic software and decided to follow its advice.
Commenting on what he learned in the process, Professor Ariely says, “The experience taught me that sometimes we want our decisions to have a rational veneer when, in fact, they stem from … what we crave deep down.”
In mediation, I guide people to pay attention to that deep “craving” and not try and make it go away. I encourage them to bring that craving into our process and see if it gets them what they actually wanted in the end.
Decision making is a process that takes time, input, challenge and clear thinking.
May you process well as you make your decisions.
